A Keg for Thanksgiving

Upon returning from one of my many visits to the liquor store to get Diet Pepsi, I spotted two client-looking guys smoking crack near our loading dock. Since it was Thanksgiving and I was in charitable mood, I asked them politely to “take it someplace else.” As I walked up the stairs, one of them barked at me. I quickly turned and forcefully said, “Excuse me?” Not a polite excuse me, more like, “What the fuck did you say?” He whined, “The guard said we could smoke over here.” Dumbfounded, I shook my head in disbelief and said, “Not drugs…cigarettes!”

2 hours later my coworkers said, “Greg, you’ve gotta see this.” He took me by the arm and dragged me to the alley. “This guy has a keg in his cart and is selling cups of beer for 50 cents.” I walked outside, past our van and, sure enough, these two guys had jacked a keg from a distributor and were selling beer out of their shopping cart. I approached the two and asked, “How much are you selling it for?” already knowing the answer. “50 cents.” He could tell I wasn’t a local. I said, “Can I have one.” Being that I don’t drink, I wanted it more for the story. I would’ve displayed it prominently in my office.

The guy picked up an old, dirty cup that was half full of stale beer and dumped it out. I took one look at it and said, “Can I have a fresh one?” naively thinking that he also pinched plastic cups from the distributor. He changed the subject, “I’m looking for a tap, do you know where I can get one? I’ve been sticking the tip of this umbrella in the vent,” showing me the umbrella. I didn’t know what to say. I walked closer and picked up the keg, to see how much was in it. “Where did you guys get this?” I inquired, breaking protocol. The silent partner, who hadn’t said anything up to this point, turned and pointedly said, “You ask too many questions.” I smiled and walked away.