An Arbitrary Admission of Adolescence

By the time we got to Minneapolis, the word was out; at least our booking agent Ellen knew about it.

We were drunk - really drunk when some kid interviewed us for a local fanzine in St. Louis. We never thought that it would be published and distributed by the time we reached Minneapolis and, we assumed, no one would read it. Regardless, what did we say that was so bad or offensive? I found out it wasn’t what we said, it was what I said.

I wouldn’t have remembered if it wasn’t for the interview. It slowly came back to me - the sloppy grade school-like photo of both bands with beers in hands and over animated expressions, and all the responses to questions starting with, “Dude!” It reeked of intoxication.

And there it was, like big zit on your nose on a date, at the end of the interview: “Duuuude, I had sex before masturbating. I attribute this to my well being high school.” It came out of nowhere – an arbitrary admission that had nothing to do with the interview. It was like standing up in class announcing that you’re gay.

The admission was met with a chorus of “Bullllshiiiiit!”

Ellen asked me if it was true. Supporting the interview, I responded, “Yes. I attribute this to my well being in high school.” I’m not sure how this little anomaly is serving me in adulthood.