Monday, February 28, 2011

5 Films That Sucked The Second Time Around



In honor of the Oscars, I give you 5 films I liked the first time around and hated the second time:

The Doors Movie:
Pitts and I saw this movie twice when it came out. The second time we brought in a bottle of Jim Beam and drank every time Jim drank. It wasn’t pretty cuz Kilmer’s character was drunk throughout the movie. For a month after this movie, I wanted to be Jim Morrison. I developed a unique stride, sauntered instead of walked and did my best to get kicked out of clubs. All Jim behavior.

Upon second viewing, Kilmer appeared retarted. Seriously, I think he was retarded in this film. I didn’t last a minute.

Worst moment: 1] Anytime that damn naked Indian appeared. 2] When he sang Light My Fire to keyboardist guy on the beach. Cringe worthy.

Garden State:
When it came out, it had a Singles feel to it. The mellow, hipster soundtrack was good and appealed to the indie generation. People talked about it and everybody loved it. So did I.

On second viewing, the Scrubs character was unappealing, self-loathing and had no redeeming qualities. He was annoying - how did I sit through it the first time?

Worst moment: When Scrubs and Portman were in the waiting room and she was listening to The Shins on headphones. She gave the phones to Scrubs and said, “This will change your life (something like that).” Yeah right.

Juno:

I really liked Juno the first time around. Even though it I almost turned it off after the first 10 minutes (the guy from the office’s hipster responses was nauseating), I got used to the vernacular and it became a backdrop to the story. Michael Cera and the Juno woman were cute. Cera is always cute.

I caught a few minutes of it on cable the other night, and I quickly changed the channel. It felt like every line was witty and snarky. I just wanted to say: “We get it, Diablo Cody, you were a stripper-turned-writer and you want everyone to know that you’re still relevant and in-touch with 17 year olds.”

Worst moment: 1] When Jason Bateman’s character said his old band toured with The Melvins. 2] When Juno listed her favorite bands as The Stooges, Patti Smith and The Runaways (maybe The Dolls or Television). Give me a fuckin break. This is the equivalent a married couple dancing to Motown while making dinner. Gross!!

High Fidelity:
Another movie that I really like. Like Juno and Garden State, it pandered to hipster music, drawing a line in the sand between good music and bad music. Like so many other idiots, I was in on the joke and got the indie music reference.

Jack Black was still great, but Cusack’s character was like the Scrubs’ character: whiney, self-loathing and no appealing attributes. NO wonder your girlfriend broke up within you – you were an idiot. Grab some balls and move on.

Worst moment: I vaguely remember the last scene. Burned into my head is Cusack getting back together with his ex-old lady, Jack Black’s band playing a Marvin Gaye song in a club and Cusack and the old lady swaying back and forth. That’s enough, isn’t it?

Leaving Las Vegas:
In the vein of Barfly (didn’t make the list), I found this movie…uh, good (?). Didn’t he or it win an Oscar? I somehow bought his drank-ass and the heart of gold hooker story the first time around.

Not the second time around, buddy. Cage’s overacting and whiney alcoholic embellishments were excruciating. But, of course, he played the drunk as some Bukowski character, to give it credibility. Why can’t drunks just be drunks?

Worst moment: Everything.

Honorable Mention:
Singles: I’m sure it’s horrible, really horrible.

5 comments:

  1. I don't think I could/would sit through any of those again because, besides Juno, which I loved for 5 minutes after I left the theater and then promptly began to hate for the same reasons you state above, along with everything else Ellen Page ever touched or will touch, I don't want to ruin the memory of Garden State. The Doors, Leaving Las Vegas and Hi Fidelity were never on the top of my list but only ever ok, but still, why ruin something you like? And Singles...I think I was about 3 years too young for it, that or Winona Ryder blows worse than any young actress out there today. Everything she ever did made my stomach churn besides Heathers, which is another movie I don't ever want to see again for fear of ruining it because in all honestly I know it sucks.

    A movie I used to love, saw multiple times and still loved and then, somehow watched with fresh eyes and hated: "Go"...don't watch it again. Just leave it in the memory banks.

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  2. On the Road and Fear and Loathing are two books that didn't sit well the second time.
    What about Clerks? Austin Powers? Empire Strikes Back (risky territory)?

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  3. Wow, I agree on all counts! I also can't stand and never could stomach Top Gun. I also shunned the Doors the first time around for the reasons you mentioned on the second time around.

    Lately, movies I shunned are growing on me...like Midnight Run. Just saw it recently and thought, "why didn't I see this when it cam out."

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  4. I respectfully disagree. Not with your right to find these films lacking upon subsequent viewing, but on the criteria you are using to dismiss their worth. Namely, having a protagonist who is "whiney and self-loathing." This is a distinctly American type in literature and film, the perpetual "man/boy." While I will not argue that both Rob in High Fidelity and "the Scrubs' guy" in Garden State are self-absorbed children, I think that is sort of the point (though less so with GS). If you take these traits out of lit./film, you are left with Norman Mailer. Then again, I named my son "Holden" after Catcher in the Rye. And they don't come much more "whiney and self-loathing" than that! (But you're right, the Doors sucked. Much like that actual band.)

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  5. My Cousin Vinny
    Romancing the Stone
    A Fish Called Wanda
    Precious
    Knocked Up


    The only movies the hold up are pre 80's.

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